The french flat mate.

After a my stream of brilliant flat mates, I was beginning to think that this share accommodation thing was just like every episode of friends.

With the coming of winter I have made certain plans, a key component in these plans being a decent wingman. After all its not a bachelor flat else bachelors live there. So it was with some excitement that a French guy got in contact with me to stay for 6 weeks.

After some basic facebook stalking I found his profile page with a picture of him mountain biking. Our conversations over email also went well with discussion of other such manly bachelor things as Czech beer and the local pubs. He also worked for Apple so would have a large resource of colleagues from the furthest reaches (and best looking) parts of Europe.

So I thought this was a great deal and had visions of our duo of French style and charm together with my South Africanism would devastate the local female population.

Turns out the guy is a loser, or worse a bad hustler, drug addict or compulsive lair. Possibly he is a mix of these and has yet to truly find which one is his true calling.

As he had a job with apple (so he says) they paid for his flight, which he missed and then txted me once I was already at the airport to pick him up.
Two days later he finally gets here and we meet in the pub for a beer. Then starts his tales, he has a cunning plan and Apple are ripping him off anyway.
So he disses the job at Apple which includes a relocation allowance, he deserves to earn at least 40 000€ a year. One too many Anthony Robbins books I think. He then leaves his cellphone at the pub.

We get home, I show him his luxury accommodation and he explains how the chip in his credit card has popped out so he cant draw cash. Not to fear though because his stunning Czech girlfriend will transfer money to him tomorrow.

As you have probably guessed I lent him 20€ to get to his job interview, he did not get it. His girlfriend did not send him any money (hats off to her, she clearly saw he was a loser and she was well rid of him).

Last night I gave him the little speech about how I would like my keys back and for him to leave tomorrow. There where a few tears and this morning I did feel bad, until I looked in the fridge and he had drunk all my beers.

So he is now on the street, I had to give him 1 euro so he could go to the internet cafe. Before you feel sorry for him, he ate loads of my pasta, drunk all my beers, bored 21€ off me and had 3 free nights accommodation. Must of which from the smell of the room he spent hot boxing his rollup cigarettes.

And dont worry I was not in any danger, this guy has been living on the edge for a while I would say from the look of him. He told me he had been eating 1 meal a day before coming here to save money. This had made him look like a famine victim and clearly had not saved him any money. The only thing that I am left wondering if his Czech girlfriend is really hot, I have her number on my phone hmmmm..